confidence

The 10 Self Empowerment Tools: #3 Others Thoughts Don’t Matter

The 10 Self Empowerment Tools: #3 Others Thoughts Don’t Matter

The 10 Self Empowerment Tools are a collection of tools you can use to live a more self-empowered life.  When you are in a place of happiness, your whole life takes shape.  Love, joy, success and fulfillment all become realities in your life.  In this 10 step guide I will reveal the tools to live a happy, loving, positive thinking life using the concept of self-love.  This path to happiness is available to anyone.  The only thing needed to achieve it, is the desire.

The third tool for self empowerment is your perception of what other people think of you.

What other people think of you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their thoughts

To illustrate, let’s use an example of what you could consider was a bad day.  You overslept, then on your commute into work you hit tons of traffic.  When you get to work your boss bombards you with meetings and work that put you in an even worse mood.  Your lunch order was incorrect and you feel run down.  This domino effect of bad things is for another topic but lets just say you’ve had a crummy day.

You then have dinner plans with a friend.  At dinner your friend tells you all about her new love interest and wants your advice.  Thinking to yourself you think how he doesn’t seem right for her or maybe this new relationship is a waste of her time.  You’ve had two failed relationship in the past few years and are feeling cynical towards dating.  Possibly, you don’t want to see her spending all her time with someone new and ignoring you.  So, you let her know she’s making a mistake or that she’s always made bad mistakes.  To this friend who valued your opinion you’ve now just let them know what you thought based on your mood and your point of view based on your experiences not theirs.  This opinion while it feels right to you might not be right for her.  Only you know what is right for you.  If she has a poor sense of self and doesn’t trust her choices, this news hits her hard.

If you were to step back and look at this interaction from the outside you’d see:

  • You’ve had a bad day and your opinion’s based on this mood.
  • You’ve had two failed relationships and you’re giving your advice from this perspective.
  • You aren’t her and haven’t made the same choices she’s made.
  • She is asking for advice because she’s uncertain in her own decisions.

When we look at it like this, you see what someone else thinks has nothing to do with you and more to do with them.  Opinions and thoughts about others originate from their mood and their situation.  These opinions change from moment to moment.  Someone could think bad things about someone and then that changes depending on their mood.  How can you base how you feel about yourself on something so temporary and uncertain?  Someone could think every day they hate the rain but another could love a rainy day.

The same belief is true about positive thoughts directed towards you.  How true are these thoughts if you don’t believe them to be true?  You could think you are bad at your job but someone lower down in the company dreams about the position you are in.  They could think how great it must be for you to have succeeded.  Does this make it true for you if they tell you you are successful, that you are talented to have gotten to this position, if you don’t believe them?  Others thoughts are just that thoughts not realities of who you are good or bad.

Habits of the same thoughts create habits of the same opinions

When you live your life knowing these outside opinions good or bad do not define you, you will appreciate the decisions you make.  How you feel about yourself and your choices are a good indicator for how you view yourself.  If you don’t trust your choices how can anyone else think you’ve made good choices.  When we look at how we feel about ourselves its best to exclude what anyone else thinks.

  • only you know what is appropriate for you
  • how you feel about yourself should always originate from what you feel is true about you

This doesn’t mean interacting with others doesn’t shape our experiences and that we are to ignore all outside influences.  When two people secure in who they are combine, be it in a romantic relationship or in any endeavor that combination creates something new and exciting.  Two opposite experiences and thought processes coming together create something that couldn’t happen on its own.  This is the joy of individuality coming together and inventing new ideas.  If you go out seeking different opinions you are then expanding your view based on the desire to evolve not the devolution of your self worth based on outside influences.  I encourage you to expand your ideas and learn from others.  Life is about expansion and growth but do it from a place of certainty and confidence.  Offer your opinions with the same confidence in yourself while respecting the views of others.

So, you say to yourself how do I feel 100% certain in myself, interact with others and not see a comparison? It is one of those paradoxes where you must experience it to know the answer.  What I like to practice is a feeling of equality.  You can’t go out into the world feeling you are better than others and offer positive interactions with these people.  The same is true if you feel you are lesser than anybody else.  Starting on an even playing field, believing everyone is equal sets you up to succeed not only in your view of yourself but that of others.  You then aren’t judging people based on your opinions and they aren’t offering the same in return.  It will be more about sharing of ideas and experiences from a more positive self-empowered place.  Try it, tell yourself you are equal to all and all are equal to you.  That their opinion good or bad doesn’t affect who you are and how you feel about yourself.  Watch as your confidence grows and you attract more confident positive people into your life.

facebooktwitterredditpinterestmail